


Coping Mechanisms and a Bad Relationship

by ghstboylovesyou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:43:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghstboylovesyou/pseuds/ghstboylovesyou
Summary: a cheater paired with someone who keeps their emotions bottled up can never mix.[there are depictions of a panic attack, and self harm is hinted at in the past! please don’t read if you are uncomfortable with any of this please!]
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Coping Mechanisms and a Bad Relationship

oikawa knew the day had to come, but it just came to fast.

he was sure he could make it through highschool without having to face this conflict. everything was _supposed_ to be okay. iwazumi wasn’t supposed to cheat. he wasn’t supposed to lie. he was supposed gaslight oikawa. and he definitely wasn’t supposed to hide and sneak behind oikawa’s back.

it would have hurt less if oikawa had found out from iwazumi himself. it would have hurt less if iwazumi had just told oikawa from the beginning. it would have hurt less if he had never cheated in the first place.

it seems that some people just have to be selfish to live. oikawa had known iwazumi for most of his life, and never expected him to act as such, but you can only know so much about someone. oikawa only knew what he was _told_ , so maybe this was the real iwazumi. maybe the iwazumi he knew was just a facade, a impressive lie that he kept for 18 years. _18 years_. the number stabbed oikawa in the heart.

oikawa didn’t even try to go to practice, he just collected his things and walked home in the rain. even the forecast had lied to him, but he could care less about the rain, and could care less about the sickness that comes with it.

the cold rain soaking his things, rolling down the back of his neck, was relaxing in a way. it felt real. real is what he needed.

he _didn’t_ need the burning feeling of old scars littered throughout his body. those scars are a gentle, yet harsh, reminder of how the cruel world can shape ones mind. the world can shape anyone’s mind into believing what it wants, but oikawa was over those stages. he had to be. he had to be. in order to keep a strong image for his sister he had to get over that. she needs a healthy role model.

despite him wanting to push out the thoughts, he found himself wondering to the place he deemed his “safe place”.

a place where no one would find him. no one could see him vulnerable.

the space under the bridge was filled with litter, but he could care less. he dropped his things on the ground and hopped onto the stacked crates that he always used as a makeshift seat. he crisscrossed his legs.

when he was fully seated he carefully rolled up his sleeves.

the scars on his arms were there like always. he scratched at them, almost expecting them to not be there when he lifted his hand. anguish and a strong panic set it as he realized that he had to live through this. this is _his_ life. he didn’t want to die, and be deemed a coward for giving up, but he didn’t want to live in a life that always had stronger downsides than good times.

oikawa couldn’t control his breathing anymore. the panic that stayed in the back of his head overtook him. hard sobs sounded from his throat. the uncontrollable urge to throw up came with each wave of a sad sob. his hands reached up and grip at his ears, wanting the thoughts to leave. they were like a raspy voice constantly whispering in his ears.

he reached down to unzip and sift through his bag, finally finding what he was searching for.

he quickly pushed the headphone six into his phone and turned on his favorite songs, drowning out the whispers as much as he could. he carefully matched his breaths to the beat of the song, successfully calming himself down for the most part. the sobs quieted, and turned to occasional sharp breaths. the shake in his hands stayed, but most everything ceased enough to let him continue his walk home. he needed to at least make sure his sister got home safe, and didn’t hurt herself trying to make a snack like last time. he just needed to make sure she’s okay.

his situation with iwazumi would have to wait. his own health would have to wait until he was completely sure his sister was okay. he had about 10 minutes of walking, that should be enough time to get his emotions under control so he doesn’t worry his little sister.

his mind finally focused, and he suddenly became aware of the annoying buzz of his phone. someone was spamming him with messages, and he got curious. he never gets many texts, at least not anymore. iwazumi stopped texting him as much a couple of months ago, and oikawa doesn’t talk to many people, so he didn’t have a clue as to who it was.

he pulled his phone from his back pocket, and was met with texts from his team. many were pictures.

each picture was a different angle of iwazumi’s car, which had been vandalized almost beyond recognition, with one of his teammates taking a bat or spray paint to it. the windshield was the only thing in tact, and someone had spray painted“ **CHEATER** ” in bold teal letters.

oikawa couldn’t help but laugh. iwazumi loved his car more than anything in the world. not to mention that it’s very expensive.

he put his phone back in his pocket and let a few tears fall. he had a small, sad smile, and shook his head. the future will definitely be messy, but he just needs to enjoy the moment.


End file.
